Chocolate cake-orama

I bought stuff to make a chocolate cake to sell at the market last week. I didn’t quite get round to making it in time (we went next door to Robin and Georgie’s and got drunk on Belhaven Best and stories about creepy paintings of children in the attic). So I made chocolate cake on Monday instead. I used the same recipe as last week and, I’m telling you, it’s a killer. It also makes one massive-ass cake. Too big for my cake tin, so I put the extra in a wee tin and make two.


Chocolate cake (with cocoa and no actual real life chocolate in)

80g good quality cocoa

300ml boiling water

250g butter (yes, a whole pat)

550g of light muscavado sugar (it’s a big cake)

4 eggs beaten

400g plain flour

1/2 tsp bkaing powder

1 tsp bicarb of soda

Put the cocoa in a big saucepan and add enough of the hot water to make a thick, smooth paste. Add the rest of the hot water (the two water adding stages are to avoid the frightening ‘pan of hot water with floating cocoa sheen on surface and large and sinister coagulations of cocoa lurking toad-like beneath the surface’ incident I experienced first time round). Put the pan on a low heat and add the butter and sugar. Stir until it’s all melted. Marvel at gorgeous, black-brown gloop, shiny and ever so inviting. Lick spoon. Have whole spoonful.

Take the pan off heat and go out until it’s cooled down a bit or you’ll find it hard not to eat enough to make yourself sick. Maybe that’s just me?

Come back from walking the dog. Add beaten eggs. Sift flour and raising agents (imagine men in black suits and dark glasses policing your cake/upbringing) and mix into the chocolate/egg mixture until evenly combined.

Manhandle vat of chocolate goodness into cake tin. Cook for about 1 hour and 15 mins at 180 degrees C – keep a close eye on it after an hour as it’s easy to slightly over cook and make it dry – whip it out as soon as a skewer comes out more or less clean.. Leave tin to cool for 10 minutes then release cake and cool on a wire rack.

Ice with chocolate ganache (equal amounts of dark chocolate and double cream heated to simmering point. Add slosh of favourite spirit for added oomph) and I filled mine with whipped cream and red grapes, just for shits and giggles.

Invite friends and eat much cake.